SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My heart is broken, my marriage is broken and I feel like an idiot for putting all my trust in a human. Not knowing you’re living a life that is a lie, is so hard.

I feel like I’m doing all the right things, counseling, taking a little happiness medication, grieving, but I still feel AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL.

I feel sick ALL the time. I cry a lot, I have guilt because I feel like this is going to hurt my children, I don’t have a best friend to share all this with (since she decided to take over my life and take on my marital bedroom responsibilities). Now that I know, in hindsight I can see warning signs but I was just oblivious. I’m angry at him, I’m angry at her and I’m angry at myself for being so stupid.

Please tell me I’m Not going mad, because I really feel like I am.

When was your DD sparkle?

I'm 7 months out from finding out my husband has an affair 13 years ago with his best friend's wife.

I won't say it get easier, but you get stronger. I'm still having some very bad days but I do have good days too.

Have you decided whether you want to try and reconcile or not?

Hi, Sparkledust, not sure when your D-Day (discovery day) was?

You've just experienced a huge trauma, the consensus here is it takes 2-5 years to heal (Personally, I was on a longer path).

I remember those early days when the only reason I got out of bed every morning was to get my children off to school and get to my part-time job. I was also in school full time, my concentration went down the toilet. Literally. Every day in the shower, I would cry. I understand what you are feeling, the dread of just existing.

It will get better with time, lots of it. One day at a time, one hour at a time. We've all lived through this nightmare and have made it to the other side, a bit broken and bruised, but we've made it. You will, too.

You're not going crazy. You are experiencing the fall out of betrayal trauma. I was barely functional for the first 6 months. Strangers would stop me in the grocery store to ask if I was ok.

It takes time and healing. And it takes longer than we want or expect. Please give yourself grace at this time. Infidelity is the worst pain.

Hey there SparkleDust. Understand that the betrayal of infidelity results in a profound shock and a severe emotional and psychological trauma. What you're going through is quite normal, unfortunately. Most of us experience PTSD to some degree. We question everything, including ourselves. Few of us, if any, have anything close to adequate coping strategies to deal with the overwhelming and excruciating fallout.

Be gentle with yourself. Most BS can look back and see the red flags they missed with glaring clarity. It's not stupidity; it's human nature.

You're not going mad, though infidelity is crazy-making shit.

I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through, SparkleDust. It is the absolute worst thing I have ever experienced. I cried daily (sometimes multiple times a day) for many months. I did things I've never done in my life, so yeah, I guess I went a little crazy, but I survived and got through it.

Be kind to yourself. You aren't stupid. You're not an idiot. You are trusting, loving, kind person, and that's not a bad thing! Anger is good and healthy to a point. Try to find a good outlet for it, like exercise or rage cleaning the house. If you try to hold it in, eventually it will poison you.

One thing that helped me was to make a list of little things that brought me joy, like taking a walk in the hills, or a nice cup of tea. I would try to do one thing each day to cheer myself up and remind myself that there is still good in life. Hang in there!

The fact that your H and BFF decided to have an affair is not your fault or have anything to do with you.

Please don’t think this "relationship" will last either. Right now there may not be alimony or child support or lawyers fees being paid. But once they have less $ to spend it’s going to affect them.

And there is already distrust. After all they started out as cheaters. When things get difficult and there are weekends with kids that will impact them, it’s not going to be easy and their relationship will be very difficult for them to handle.

Read up on the 180. Maybe very minimal contact is the way to go for now.