Finally found out about affair with colleague

Me and my husband have been married 11 years, together 20 years.

Around 3 weeks ago he revealed he loved me, cared for me but didn’t think he was in love with me anymore, I was devastated. As far as I was aware we were fine with no issues apart from usual small marriage bickers.

There was only one big problem we had I had an issue with a female colleague he was friends with at work, this girl had been in 2 affairs with married men previously at work and it made me un easy especially when they seemed to start working together everyday.

When he revealed to me how he felt about his lack of feelings for me I asked him could we work on this and instantly organised couples counselling, a mini break away for us both, tried to give him space , etc meanwhile my mental health took a turn for the worse.

On our mini break away we were talking about the girl at work and past events where I had shared concerns about her when he admitted that on a christmas do they had passionatly kissed.

I was shocked especially as he’d always made out I was paranoid, overly jealous, that he wouldnt go there. We carried on talking about this revelation. I obviously then had a lot more questions and slowly over the 2 days we were there he drip fed me more information.

He eventually revealed they had been having an emotional affair, secretly messaging and speaking to each other. He would delete the calls and messages, meeting up. I once rang when they were out together i said to him i thought they were together and he made me feel bad for thinking that! Theres so many times i said i thought something was happening and he made me feel like i had issues.

Eventually he admits that the night they kissed they actually slept together! I feel heartbroken i cant believe he would do this to our family, this happened 18 months ago and he’s managed to blatently lie to my face all this time plus making me feel like i had issues i nearly went for counselling i thought my problems were that bad.

He’s since admitted there was another girl at work who came onto him very strongly and used to message asking to meet up he said he never did anything with her but still entertained her messages then deleted them so i wouldnt know.

Im finding this so hard i love this man so much despite being disgusted with him. Part of me thinks do i try and forgive him we have so much history, 2 young children but on the other hand i dont think i could trust him again things would never be the same.

Im scared starting again at 37 with 2 young children 😔 im scared of losing my husband, my best friend.

5 comments posted: Tuesday, June 24th, 2025