NoThanksForTheMemories (original poster member #83278) posted at 5:11 AM on Tuesday, June 24th, 2025
Just an update, I guess, in case anyone is curious. WS and kid are out of town for a summer program. He and I have been emailing about relationship stuff, and in today's message I told him I want a full separation with an eventual divorce. His immediate response was to ask to keep working on things, plus a bunch of stuff about how I need to stop holding back my feelings and to allow him the opportunity to show me the good in him. I replied and said it's not about him anymore and that's it's definitively over and that I'm ready to talk when he is. He said he'll need some time before replying or talking on the phone, which is fine and understandable.
That said, his behavior continues to boggle my mind. I moved out nearly 4 months ago. I told him I thought we had a 90% chance of ending up divorced. Now he's acting like this is all a big shock. He saw the time of separation as an opportunity to convince me to stay with him. I saw it as a test for my feelings. The pieces of our past conversations that he remembers are selective and confirm what he wants to believe. He doesn't journal, so he doesn't keep records that he can reference. Ah well, I guess it's just more evidence that I'm making the right decision.
It's sad, but I'm also ready to move on to the practical logistics. I don't know how long before he will get there.
WS had a 3 yr EA+PA from 2020-2022, and an EA 10 years ago (different AP). Dday1 Nov '22. Dday4 Sep '23. False R for 2.5 months. 30 years together. Living separately as of Mar '25.
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:33 AM on Tuesday, June 24th, 2025
There can be a peace when you know what you have to do. It is sad still — and many tears will still be shed — but getting out of limbo can bring such relief.
Feel all the feels and take it one day at a time. Use this time to get your ducks lined up. And be proud of yourself. You are showing how strong you are.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:48 AM on Tuesday, June 24th, 2025
It's like mourning a death, so expect some sad times. Feel the feels so can process them through your body.
When you know, you know. And you're out of limbo.
Hang in there, NTFTM.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 6:40 AM on Tuesday, June 24th, 2025
I had also used my separation to gauge my feelings and I felt much happier away from him and out of the M. That’s when I knew it was time to D. You just know without a doubt and sometimes it’s just too little too late and the amount of damage done is too much to come back from. Glad you have found a clear path forward not easy but one paved in peace and happiness for you. He will move on as well there is no other choice but for life to move forward.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/2024
