UseD2
I don’t see a need or any benefit to hit on you for the three month decision. I might not agree with it and not like it, but as I said previously: you are there and must decide and implement. If you can tolerate that and believe she will take your observations into account... then that’s up to you.
Our advice tends to be based on two main factors: Our personal experience and what we learn from observing others. If I were to base my infidelity advice solely on MY experience, I guess the takeaway would be to never trust hairdressers... I am also fairly certain the majority of hairdressers are faithful spouses, so why should I pass judgement on all based on MY experience? I think I base my advice a lot more on general human behavior, experiences I have seen here on this (and other sites) and experiences I have seen in life.
If you go to the Reconciliation forum you will see a thread about reconciling while working together. I encourage you to read that thread. Both the responses of those that are working at R while WS and AP work together and maybe especially how the story of the original poster there is panning out. That WS had good intentions...
This is in line with our collective experience. If I were to guestimate then I think that if your wife were to leave her job (or OM the job) the odds of this continuing might be 1/10. With them working together – especially as there is still ongoing interaction and contact – I put it at 6/10. But... that doesn’t mean it will start again but simply that it’s LIKELY to start again.
Now imagine this scenario: If you were told that the risk of serious injury while not wearing a helmet at a construction site was 6/10, but with a helmet it went down to 1/10 – you would be strapping on the helmet. You wouldn’t even imagine going to the site without it.
Look at your very own posts: A couple of times you state how she clearly tells OM something is wrong, shouldn’t happen and/or never will happen. Yet shortly after, she takes her actions a step further: You will never experience being my lover -> a couple of hours detailed description of sexual acts...
I think her intentions when she places her borders are done in good faith. Like you might wake up with an immense hangover and truly state you are off the drink from now. Yet four weeks later there you are downing your third GT in an hour. Like your intention to start exercising.... tomorrow... Intentions are good – actions are better.
Her actions to-date haven’t reflected her stated intentions.
Like the casual non-work related conversations since d-day...
That might be why we question the three month wait... She has no INTENTION to make this an affair, but she might think she can control the level of "friendship" with this man. Our experience indicates the level needs to be zero – nada – zilch. She wants it at friends and cordial. He wants it at sex. After all he is a player with past history.
I truly wish you good fortune.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
